you can't shush me!

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Back to work

Well, it was inevitable. Tomorrow (Thursday) I head back to work. I purposely planned it so that I not only come back towards the end of the week but my second day back is a staff Inservice day and therefore a whole different kind of stressful. It meant taking a little vacation time but I think it will definitely be worth it.

Mom will be watching Griffin at my sister Ning’s house. According to Google Maps they live about 20 minutes away from my library. If I really wanted to I could go over there for lunch, get a Griffin fix, then come home. As much as I’d like to do that, I think it would just be too much rushing around. But at the same time it’s nice to know that it’s a possibility.

I can’t go on for it much longer because, and I now it sounds very drama queen of me, it makes me sad and upset to think about being away from Griffin for so long–give or take NINE HOURS! I know it will get better but the mopey side of me feels like this is the worst thing ever and is having  very difficult time staying positive.

So…wish me luck on a first day back!

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I’ll be bumming around

So I had a mini breakdown at work yesterday. In my What to Expect when You’re  Expecting, it talks about what you may be feeling physically and emotionally during the month. For the ninth month, one of the feeling is “irritability and oversensitivity (especially with people who keep saying ‘Are you still around?'” For the last couple of weeks that has totally been me!

Every day, when people walk by my cube (which is in a high traffic zone) I get the “Oh, you’re here! You haven’t had the baby YET?” From people I hadn’t seen for a few days, particularly on Mondays after the weekend I got “Wow, you’re even huger!” or “You look even more pregnant than ever!” or “That baby is going to be gigantic!”

The one that started bothering the most was that some people were sure I was going to pop the baby out at work. I kept saying that, from what I’ve heard, it’s NOT like the movies where it happens at the speed of light! In most cases, takes hours. Our hospital is really close to the library (closer than our house) so there should be enough time to get me there if we really had to. Also, if I felt like I was in labor, I WOULDN’T COME TO WORK! The responses were usually, “Sure…but you never know!” Okay, I KNOW they were joking. But you know what? Hearing the same joke many times a day for weeks gets extremely old.

Yesterday I went to work feeling awful. I didn’t sleep well the night before. I ended up getting up at about 5:30am because I was STARVING. I had some cereal, tooled around on the computer, then took a quick nap before going in to work. I didn’t really want to go–my belly was feeling sooo heavy and it felt like a workout to walk because my legs felt like, but I wasn’t planning to stay long so I went in anyway. I probably should have waited a while. All was well until someone stopped by my cube and made joked about giving birth right there and I just went off! I said that I’m NOT giving birth in the library and I’m just sick of that joke, and tired of it all, and I can’t wait for the baby to come and on and on. I felt so bad the whole time and the person kept apologizing, but it was too late. I nearly burst into tears, but I managed to hold it in. After that, I decided to call it a day.

It was a combination of that and all the OTHER people who had already stopped by that morning that really got me going. Afterward, I felt so mean and ungrateful because I know they really truly care and are just being nice, but really I think it was really starting to wear me down. I really want him to get here and the constant questions and comments weren’t helping my anxiousness.

I started thinking about it and dreading the NEXT day I had to go back to work. I just don’t think I could handle it. I’m afraid I might break down again. I love my job I really wanted to work up until the baby came, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. As it was, I was working short days because I was so worn out. I’m physically and emotionally spent. So I talked it over with Ning and Scott and I think I’m going to start my leave now. There are a few things I’m going to try to do from home, but I definitely won’t be going in very often. I talked to my boss and feel so much better now that I have!

Scott asked me if I would get bored around the house. I thought about it and I don’t think I’ll be a total slacker. There’s still a lot of sorting through stuff I can do here. There are a bunch of other little things that I can’t get done during the weekend because I’m doing stuff with Scott. I can also use the time to visit different day cares so that we can get on the waiting list for the one we want.

And, most importantly, I can just rest up for the birth giving process. I hear it takes a lot out of you. 🙂

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